One week after it was discovered that the NRA has worked to prevent local courts from taking guns away from abusive spouses, it was discovered that the NRA has also made “robocalls” to the grieving families of Newtown Connecticut to send them a pro-gun message:

 Christopher Wenis is a resident of Newtown who has found himself at the mercy of such calls. Wenis reached out to the NRA multiple times in an attempt to remove himself from their call lists. Despite assurances that he would be placed taken off their lists, the phone calls continued through out the week and into Friday evening.

Ignoring the phone calls won’t help either as voicemail machines pick up the prerecorded 30-second phone messages. That is what so deeply offended Tom Maurath, a 40-year resident of Newton, who said he worried that his six-year-old son could have been unintended recipient of the message. Maurath has also received post-cards from the NRA which blame the Connecticut General Assembly for trying to take away gun-owners rights. (Andrea Ayres-Deets)

The Infernal Lord Satan held a press conference shortly thereafter:

 “The NRA has reminded us today of what it’s all about. We were aware of their efforts to keep battering spouses well armed, but this latest news was frankly embarrassing. We are supposed to be the paragons of pure evil. Why didn’t we think of calling the victims of a shooting to send them a pro-gun message while their tender children are still freshly laid in their graves? The NRA has shown us that we have gotten soft. We need to return to their kind of single purpose philosophy that is willing to tear the heart out of its opponents. So we are announcing today that we are hiring the NRA leadership as consultants. We also have a few openings for gun owners who would never stoop to these tactics, but still mindlessly defend anything done by the NRA. In the coming months we also hope to appeal to the millions of Christians who are tired of turning the other cheek and who are willing to join us in turning America’s plowshares back into swords.”