(Mayberry,USA) The sheriff’s department was caught eavesdropping on the local newspaper here in Mayberry. Sheriff Holder assured us that their purpose was not to deprive the Mayberry Gazette of free speech, but simply to ensure that whistleblowers did not inform the people of Mayberry what their government is really doing. The crowd seemed relieved to hear it.

When asked what he knew about the eavesdropping, Sherriff Holder said he had given the case to Deputy Fife, and so had no idea what was going on. When asked if reporters could talk to Deputy Fife, we were told that the deputy was investigating the case so he might not be able to answer our questions either.

One reporter asked, “So Deputy Fife will be investigating himself?” “No,” the sheriff answered, “I will look into this myself.”  When asked if it was proper for the department accused of malfeasance to be investigating itself, the sheriff responded, “I cannot answer that question at this time because of the ongoing investigation.”

We thanked the Sheriff for his openness. As far as this reporter is concerned, this is case closed.  -Goober Pyle, of the Mayberry Gazette