The Vatican has taken back the statement by the Pope that atheists who do good will not be tortured for all eternity. The Pope recently said:

“If we, each doing our own part, if we do good to others, if we meet there, doing good, and we go slowly, gently, little by little, we will make that culture of encounter. We must meet one another doing good. ‘But I don’t believe, Father, I am an atheist!’ But do good: we will meet one another there.” -Pope Francis

Well, nobody is perfect. Turns out the Pope was wrong, at least according to a Vatican spokesperson:

“All salvation comes from Christ, the Head, through the Church which is his body, hence they cannot be saved who, knowing the Church as founded by Christ and necessary for salvation, would refuse to enter her or remain in her.” -Rev. Thomas Rosica

While the Pope has yet to retract his statement, Jesus issued an apology for saying that “God sends love indiscriminately on the just and the unjust,” and implying that “all who love know God.”

“I spoke out of line,” said the Savior, “God’s love isn’t strong like gravity that works whether you believe in it or not. God’s love only works if you believe, kind of like Santa. I apologize if my words made it sound like God or I can save people who have not come through the official channels of the church. Of course, you must be dipped in the magic water and eat the magic crackers or God and I can do nothing. I am deeply sorry and apologize to all who were offended when I implied that God is bigger or stronger than the Institutional Church. I only hope the sacred clergy of the church can find it in their hearts to forgive me for loving people they have not officially approved.”