If you are unfamiliar with the “Christian Catfish Awards,” here is a little background. The fish is a symbol of the Christian faith. A catfish is a bottom feeder. Together they symbolize Christian leaders who through exceptional and vicious pettiness have brought pain to humankind and shame to the body of Christ. We are proud to present our very first Lifetime Achievement Award to Rev. Pat Robertson.
There were three excellent nominees this week.
1. Florida pastor Terry Jones, famous for burning Korans, was arrested this week on his way to burn 2,998 Korans, one for every victim of 9-11. The pastor had filled his pickup with kerosene soaked Korans and was towing a barbecue grill. He was arrested on his way to a nearby park on the charge of “unlawful conveyance of fuel.” It’s a common mistake in book burning to soak the books before you transport them. Better luck next year Rev.
2. Former presidential candidate and defender of the faith, Michelle Bachman accused President Obama of having embraced the Muslim Brotherhood’s worldview.
“Now why in the world would we want to put these Islamist fanatics back in power, that hate Jews, that want to see the destruction of that West; why would you do that unless the Obama administration embraced the worldview aspirations of the Muslim Brotherhood?”
Bachman claimed that the Muslim Brotherhood is trying to “revive the Ottoman Empire.” “They are committed to reestablishing a global caliphate. What is very weird is that the Obama administration has bent over backwards to do everything that they can to reach out with what they call an engagement strategy.”
Even those who disagree with the Muslim Brotherhood have to realize that they are out of power and are currently being slaughtered in Egypt. It will be tough for them to re-establish the Ottoman Empire anytime soon, but this was an excellent use of linking Islamophobia and Obamaphobia by Ms. Bachman.
3. Our third candidate, and overwhelming winner was Rev. Pat Robertson. A documentary will be released today that tells the story of his “Operation Blessing” which raised millions for an African charity which was primarily used as a front for Robertson’s diamond mining with some of Africa’s shadiest leaders. Robert’s ministry took pictures of other agencies’ work and passed it off as his own.
Our committee felt that one Christian Catfish Award was not enough for a man who has brought so much misery to the species. Instead, we are proud to present Rev. Robertson with our very first “Christian Catfish Lifetime Achievement Award.”
To help the reader remember this remarkable ministry of hate, we have included a brief summary of Rev. Robertson’s finest quotes:
“You say you’re supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians the Presbyterians and the Methodists. and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don’t have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist.”
“These people (Muslims) are crazed fanatics, and I want to say it now: I believe it’s motivated by demonic power. It is Satanic and it’s time we recognize what we’re dealing with.”
Rev. Robertson famously said that feminism is a “socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”
(On Hugo Chavez) “I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don’t think any oil shipments will stop.”
(After a town had voted out a creationist school board) “I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city.”
Congratulations Rev. Robertson. You are a diamond. One might even say, a blood diamond.